Is compromising your morals for the sake of keeping up appearances worth it or does it undermine the reasons that you are involved in pageantry in the first place?
As a pageant contestant and queen, we are constantly reminded to be a “good role model” and to set a positive example to the rest of the community and further. To me, this means sticking to your guns and standing by what you believe in whether it offends or upsets individuals or not. Some may choose to sit on the fence in certain situations and avoid taking sides or speaking up so that they may appear “impartial” or so as to not ruffle feathers; but what’s the point if you’re not making a difference by doing so?
Being offended is a natural thing. If you live in a cotton wool world where you don’t allow people to offend you then you’ll never grow as a person. Being offended is a good thing, it’s a learning curve, it’s differing opinions at work. It’s also ok to disagree with others, it doesn’t mean you can’t be friends with those people and it’s doesn’t make either one of you wrong. I’ve disagreed with family and some of my closest friends many times but we still love each other to the moon and back.
One thing I have never been is a people pleaser and I certainly wasn’t going to change that when I became involved in pageantry. Don’t get me wrong, there have been times where I wish I had spoken up about certain situations but haven’t because I didn’t know how what I had to say would be received. An instance which springs to mind was when an acquaintance of mine from many moons ago appeared in the pageant world and despite knowing she was not who she portrayed herself to be and wouldn’t be a good fit for the brand, I kept my mouth shut because a) I didn’t want to be the bitch who grassed her in to the organisation but also because b) I didn’t, for a second, think she’d actually win. She did and before her year was even out she showed her true colours. I have since been told “I wish you’d said something”, oh so do I! But you live and learn. This along with a few other incidents in general life, not just in pageantry, has taught me to speak up and be honest in all situations.
Many know that I am brutally honest with people if they come to me for an opinion and that’s because I don’t see the point in sugar-coating anything to appease. If you’re asking my opinion, I assume you want an honest answer and friends now come to me for this very reason. Does that make me a bad person? I absolutely do not think so. They say honesty is the best policy and it truly is. Not only do you allow yourself to live in a place of peace but you also develop an overwhelming ability to sniff out sheer b.s almost instantly. The best part of it all though is that people know that if you say they look nice or you like an idea they’ve had or you pay them a compliment, you actually mean it. I’d say this is being small scale honest but there’s also being large scale honest and I believe this to be standing up for what you believe in and demonstrating that, no matter the possible backlash.
As probably most of pageant land know, I (alongside my sister Queens) was recently put in a position at an international pageant where my morals vs crown scale was pushed to its very limits. All I have dreamed of since I started competing was to represent Scotland at an International pageant. On January 18th 2020 that day finally came and I was finally going to take to the stage in Mexico to represent Scotland at the Miss Global competition. We had been in Mexico for two weeks at this point. Numerous preliminary events were cancelled and we had endured a colossal amount of favouritism towards the host countries delegate. On the night of finals, the entire day ran an average of 2 hours late meaning we didn’t get on stage until 9.30pm, half an hour before we were due to crown the new winner.
This post isn’t going to be a recount of what happened and, truth be told, I can’t even be bothered reliving it to begin to explain just how much was wrong with the competition and its director. The point of this post is to show that sticking to your guns is always the best way to go and if the people around you have the same values as you, you will be supported. Two pivotal moments came from the experience for me; walking away from the competition on the night and refraining from wearing my sash. These were scary decisions to make but ultimately the right ones no matter what the consequences may have been.
Rallied by my incredible Welshie, Emma, 12 of us packed up and left the competition early on finals night. We had no intention of stepping back on that stage or supporting the organisation any further, and I doubt our decision would have changed had we placed differently because in all honesty it was very obviously complete nonsense from the announcement of the Top 25. Let me tell you now that I never in a million years thought I would be in a position that had me hailing a taxi off the street at 1.30am in the middle of rural Mexico. Let’s just let that sink in. Despite feeling like I was going to end up in a Mexican version of ‘Taken’, we did get back to the hotel safely and for us, our International journey was over…or so we thought. Shortly after we returned to the hotel, the entire production was shut down and the “top 5” were crowned on a dark stage in their own clothes with sashes being handed up straight from the suitcase.
We knew that walking away from the competition was potentially risking our crowns and our places within the PageantGirl UK family but we stayed confident in the knowledge that Holly was a very morally sound director and we hoped she would be understanding of the situation. We were on the phone to her as soon as we returned to the hotel and were completely truthful about the fact that we had walked out. As expected, she was incredible about it and supported us 100%. Unfortunately there are some directors still choosing to send delegates for next year’s competition which I think is a huge reflection on their moral compass but our director had our backs completely.
We woke at 7am the next day to messages from a chaperone, who had gone home halfway through the fortnight because she felt threatened and didn’t agree with the favouritism, saying that we weren’t safe and we should make our way to the airport in small groups, as quickly as possible. This caused panic and we then found out that the Director, the man who had put us in this position, was already on his way home to L.A. He had fled leaving 56 girls unattended in a foreign country. He had forgone his duty of care and THAT is what I find completely unacceptable. I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that someone a group of young women to waste their money and two weeks of their life by running a phoney and corrupt competition but then also endanger them by running away and relinquishing all responsibility of getting us to the airport safely. That is not the kind of person we need in the pageant world.
Since returning home, we have found out a lot more about the director and issues that have occurred in the past. The motto of his competition is “Empowering women, embracing cultures and embodying the beauty within” which, in all honesty, is completely laughable considering some of the things he said and did during the competition. I suggested to him that he should consider changing his motto to “Victimising women, embracing bank accounts, and disregarding the beauty within” as it would be far more befitting of the competition he actually runs.
The more that came to light in the aftermath, and the more time I had to sit and think on what had actually happened in Mexico and the type of man that was benefiting from our incredible community, the more I realised that I couldn’t allow myself to be a walking advert for his organisation. It went against everything I believed in and I couldn’t continue to wear the word ‘Global’ plastered across my chest because that implies that everything is fine. It invokes questions about the system; it generates interest and encourages curiosity. How can I attend events advertising a system I don’t believe in and then, if asked about it, have nothing good to say? It would have been a contradiction to the whole “being a good role model” thing to have continued wearing that sash as it would have demonstrated a disregard for my own beliefs.
Knowing that this was something that no Queen, to my knowledge, had ever done before and that it could potentially reflect badly on Holly’s organisation I discussed how I felt about the situation with her and, as before, she was incredibly supportive. She gave me her blessing to wear my crown alone without a sash and was even apologetic despite none of it being in any way her fault. I have since attended events without my sash on and I felt very content with my decision. As always, people will and have given their ten pence worth on the situation. People have been supportive to my face and then discussed what they really think of the decision behind my back (of course) but guess what? Their opinion is irrelevant to me. People will always give an uneducated opinion on what impact your decision might have but it’s just that, an opinion, and if your decision is right for you then it’s the right decision regardless of opinions or outcomes.
The moral (no pun intended) of the story is that if something doesn’t sit right with you, speak up. If it costs you a title, a job, a friend – does it really matter if the thing you’re standing up for is important enough to you? Stick to your guns and preserve your integrity. That, to me, is a real role model quality.